Star Wars for Breakfast

Yoda and Lucky Charms

I’ve got a million of ’em.

Jedi Mind Trix – “You want to buy this cereal. It has bright colors and a rabbit on the box. There’s a toy prize inside. You want the toy prize.”

Han Sol-Os – “Hokey weapons and ancient religions are no match for a good breakfast, kid.”

Han Sol-Os, Special Edition – Same thing, but the cereal bites first, forcing Han to eat it.

Obi-Wan Ken Oat Bran – “Obi-Wan Ken Oat Bran. Obi-Wan. Now that’s a cereal I ‘ve not had in a long time. A long time.”

Four Film Plots Explained Badly


A falcon statue changes hands in the fast-paced antiquities market.

A Vietnam-era Huck Finn travels up the Nung river in search of adventure.

Batman battles Wolverine while Black Widow and Alfred the Butler are forced to choose sides.

The actor who will become Han Solo wrecks the car that will become the Millennium Falcon.

“Star Wars” is “Gone With the Wind” in Space

My new hobby – Watching Gone With the Wind with my wife and explaining that it’s the basis for Star Wars.

There’s Scarlett and Rhett.
There’s Princess Leia and Han Solo.

Sherman is burning Atlanta.
Grand Moff Tarkin is destroying Alderaan.

RHETT BUTLER: You still think you’re the cutest trick in shoe leather.

HAN SOLO: Maybe you’d like it back in your cell, your Highness.

RHETT BUTLER: No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

PRINCESS LEIA: I’d just as soon kiss a Wookie.
HAN SOLO: I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss.

RHETT BUTLER: I’m leaving you, my dear. All you need now is a divorce and your dreams of Ashley can come true.

HAN SOLO: You love him, don’t you? All right. I understand. Fine. When he comes back, I won’t get in the way.

SCARLETT O’HARA: Go on! I want you to go! I hope a cannonball lands slap on you! I hope you’re blown into a million pieces!

PRINCESS LEIA: Some day you’re gonna be wrong, I just hope I’m there to see it.

SCARLETT O’HARA: But you are a blockade runner.
RHETT BUTLER: For profit, and profit only.
SCARLETT O’HARA: Are you trying to tell me you don’t believe in the cause?
RHETT BUTLER: I believe in Rhett Butler, he’s the only cause I know.

PRINCESS LEIA: It’s not over yet.
HAN SOLO: It is for me, sister. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
PRINCESS LEIA: You needn’t worry about your reward. If money is all that you love, then that’s what you’ll receive.

Star Wars, Nothing But Star Wars*

Stuff I’ve been posting on my Facebook. I remember the days when posting this stuff to a website you owned made you a blogger. Good times.


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Word of the Day – Image Macro

This is one of those words that most people don’t know, even though they know the thing.


The term “image macro” originated on forum websites including that of Something Awful.[2][non-primary source needed] The name derived from the fact that the ‘macros’ were a short bit of text a user could enter that the forum software would automatically parse and expand into the code for a pre-defined image,[2] relating to the computer science topic of a macro, defined as “a rule or pattern that specifies how a certain input sequence (often a sequence of characters) should be mapped to an output sequence (also often a sequence of characters) according to a defined procedure.”

Beginning in 2007, lolcats and similar image macros (a form of Internet phenomena) spread beyond the initial communities who created them and became widely popular.[1]

In other words, it’s one of these …

Dark Side







Previous WOTDReynolds’ Law and Murray’s Third Law

My Latest Invention – The Facebook Clip Show

You know how, when The Simpsons needs some material post haste, they piece together a clip show from pieces of previous Simpsons episodes? So what do the same thing, but with Facebook posts? And if you aren’t following me on Facebook it’s all new to you.

The Status Updates

I don’t understand the point of roller skating rinks. I could stay at home and hold on to a wall.

Wife is out with a friend for a performance of The Vagina Monologues. I wonder if she’ll buy me a t-shirt?

If I ever open a bookstore I’m going to call it Books on Paper.

The Image Macros

From the “Obama said ‘Jedi mind meld” hilarity a few weeks ago:



I made one myself.


The Video

I usually only listen to lame white boy rappers with three nipples who go on to have sucessful acting careers, but this is pretty good.

The Photos

It seems like I never post my photographs on the blog anymore, so here’s a series from Facebook:




Cocaine is a Helluva Space Drug


A long line ago, in a galaxy far, far away

People have found Star Wars scenes in which Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia) has a coke nail. (A coke nail is a single fingernail that’s been grown long, the better to scoop up cocaine.) No surprise that she was doing drugs back then, seeing as she’s written books about it, but it’s obvious now to us squares who don’t do cocaine but who do Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary.

Best quotes from the Reddit article:

Lucas plans to fix that in the Quintessential Archival Commemorative Director’s Vision Edition.

She had one parent die shortly after childbirth and the other one turned out to be a war criminal. In spite of this, she succeeded in politics starting at about 15 years old; she has since been deposed and almost everyone she has ever loved has been killed. At the time this was taken, she was two years into a brutal guerilla war, had only just left her giant block of frozen hiding place, and may not have been laid in years… except for those few weeks working as a sex slave. Let’s cut the poor princess some slack, shall we?

Help me Obi-Wan, you’re my only dealer

Flyin that plane
High on cocaine
Han Solo you better watch your speed
Vader ahead, Jabba behind
And you know the Death Star, just crossed my mind…

Han snorts first.

Gingerbread AT-AT Walker


Good News, Everyone! Star Wars Ripped from Lucas’s Filthy Hands

Seriously. Star Wars has nowhere to go but up from where it is now.

Continuing its strategy of delivering exceptional creative content to audiences around the world, The Walt Disney Company has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm Ltd. in a stock and cash transaction. Lucasfilm is 100% owned by Lucasfilm Chairman and Founder, George Lucas. Under the terms of the agreement and based on the closing price of Disney stock on October 26, 2012, the transaction value is $4.05 billion, with Disney paying approximately half of the consideration in cash and issuing approximately 40 million shares at closing.

Kathleen Kennedy, current Co-Chairman of Lucasfilm, will become President of Lucasfilm, reporting to Walt Disney Studios Chairman Alan Horn. Additionally she will serve as the brand manager for Star Wars, working directly with Disney’s global lines of business to build, further integrate, and maximize the value of this global franchise. Ms. Kennedy will serve as executive producer on new Star Wars feature films, with George Lucas serving as creative consultant.

I’m thinking “creative consultant” is a dignity-salvaging title. $4 billion is enough money for Disney to tell Lucas to go away and swim naked in piles of cash.

“And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your rebel moonshine still”

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy!

Via Unc.

PreviouslyWhen Star Wars Meets Country Music

ob:Star Wars 25th Anniversary

Star Wars Pancakes.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Life Imitates “Spaceballs”

Syrian President’s password was 12345.

That’s Just Wrong! Star Wars Edition

First I saw this and thought it was wrong.

Then I saw this, and thought it was really wrong.

And then I read this, and I knew it was the wrongest of all.

George Lucas says Han never shot first:

In an attempt to address the lingering “Han shot first” controversy, Star Wars creator George Lucas may have only fanned the flames of fandom even more. You see, Lucas says Han Solo never actually fired first in his classic showdown with Greedo. Fans only wanted to think that. So basically it’s all your own fault.

In a chat with The Hollywood Reporter (via /Film), Lucas said, “The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down.”

PreviouslyThe Pussification of the Star Wars Jedi (from way back in 2003, my first year of blogging)

Yo Dawg


The first electric vehicle designed for Stormtroopers by Stormtroopers