The Editing Room does “The Avengers”

If ‘Avengers’ Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest (dirty word alert)

SAMUEL L. MOTHERF—–G JACKSON delivers a heartwarming speech about togetherness, the foundation of which is CLARK GREGG’s man-crush on CHRIS EVANS.

CHRIS EVANS
Well, now that someone has died due to our egomania and tardiness, I feel like we can finally call ourselves the Avengers and validate our namesake. Teamwork!

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
My Random Quip Generator got damaged in the last fight, so yeah, I’m in.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH
I shall assist, mainly because I’m stuck here on Earth without the Blue Cube, but also, more importantly, because I’m stuck here on Earth without the Blue Cube.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON
You’re going to need a strong female character down there. My boobs will hold her position open until she arrives, and I can use my pistol, which will be of absolutely no use whatsoever, I don’t even know why I’m bringing it.

JEREMY RENNER
And don’t worry, everyone, Hawkeye is back, ready to shoot an arrow at something in case we run out of bullets!

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